‘When I get headache I cannot tolerate anybody.’
‘I just cannot stand the hot sun.’
‘Oh, my handwriting is just horrible! Only I can decipher it, sometimes. Ha! Ha!’
These are various ways I issue certificates to myself, certificates of defects and stupidity proudly displayed as so many virtues. These certificates are undersigned by numerous sycophantic relatives, fond mothers, and subordinates at office.
If I look at the matter closely, there is no earthly reason why I should scowl if I have headache or at the sun. There is no unbreakable physiological bond between headache and inability to be polite or smile. There are quite a number of people who are ravaged with disease and pain, and yet are a blessing and a boon to their family and friends, and who can show love and kindness with all the faculties still left them.
If I examine carefully what I do to others when I have a headache or depression I can have some idea even as to the origin of these ills. Because I have a headache or depression everybody around me must make the least noise and move about funerally. This need to dominate falls on poor relatives and subordinates who are broken down by the virtual blackmail - “Don’t talk loud! His ulcer will burst!” It is this need to dominate the world, this essential disharmony with the world, stupid and pigheaded idea that the world is meant to twirl around your little finger that lays the matrix for the drama called your illness, further amplified by sophisticated psychological dissertations on the causes for these reactions.
The total drama called headache or depression consists of numerous sub-scenes played out by various parts and functions of your body, your muscles, blood vessels etc.
Even if your condition is chronic, if your aim to dominate the world is replaced by the aim of expressing love and oneness with all the faculties at your disposal, then at least you can recast some of the sub-scenes in the drama of headache, and help to break the chain of reflexes. Why be proud of your bad handwriting? If you can pull wires, play tennis etc., what is wrong with improving your writing except to trouble your dependent readers.
Next time I catch myself saying, I get irritable if I have a headache, I shall ask myself - Why! Is my mouth paralysed when I have a headache! Surely if it can show a scowl, it can show a smile. I can also walk. This is my body. Let me have some say in its actions instead of letting it play the drama written by the marketplace.
The marketplace describes how every average man behaves when he has a headache, and the medical textbooks scientifically reveal the mechanisms behind the headache behaviour of all the patients that come to them, and by a sleight of hand a subtle law is created. “This is what usually happens if someone has a headache and therefore this is what ought to happen. If you neglect your headaches it might lead to a tumour of your head. So for heaven’s sake, don’t neglect it. As soon as you have a tinge of a headache come and have yourself checked.”
There is no doubt that if you follow the instructions carefully you will fulfil the predictions of the tribe and its witches.
The marketplace and the medical texts describe and confirm the behaviour of the lowest common average of behaviour.
I should see for myself if that is what I want - to be the commonest average man. If not I should take a hand in my own drama.