Days Passed. Father and mother took me for granted - queer, quiet, obedient but no more - actually, no trouble. Sometimes they would laugh at things that I said, that was good.
I helped mother in the kitchen; did errands for father, looked after his car. I was improving, they said, gradually though.
Shankar became a frequent visitor - week ends he stayed with us. Sometimes we sat up late at night, and there would be talk, laughter, and father and mother were both pleased and perplexed.
Shankar and I used to have long talks - one can talk of things that both know about; one can argue about things one can think of.
“Look, Krishna,” Shankar asked, “You are taking so much of cactyl, and yet you are so awake and alert, almost as if you didn't. I took a few and it just knocks me out. Did no good at all.”
“What do you do with it?” I asked, “and what for?”
“Oh, the creatures I see frighten me, and the others haven't seen and cannot help. I thought cactyl would get rid of them,” he said.
“So you took cactyl?” I said.
“Yes,” he said, “that's it.”
“What happened when you felt sleepy and groggy and almost got knocked out?” I asked.
“Why, I think they give me wakeall; to take one tablet of wakeall for one of cactyl,” he replied.
“So, that is ‘getting rid of’ for you! Cat to get rid of a mouse, dog to get rid of cat, lion to get rid of dog, elephant to get rid of lion, and a mouse to get rid of the elephant! Heard it somewhere. Anyway, I felt a lot better and I stopped wanting to get rid of anything except my wanting. Just look at them with a kindly eye. Someone told me … things that need each other meet each other. And when kindly looked at known they merge in the Master. At least there is not as much trouble as wanting to get rid of things, and that includes causes … this I know.” I said.
“Who is the master?” he asked.
“Why, yourself, of course,” I said, “unless you want to catch things or get rid of them! Let anyone try doing that to you and see what happens!”
“Gosh,” Sankar said, “it sounds fine... but what did you do with cactyl.”
“Do with it? I do not know what it did with itself! Mother brought them to me so kindly, and I smiled and accepted. There was such happiness in her eyes and hope. I looked at the cactyl tablets and wished them every happiness, so to say. Perhaps, they are happy and quiet inside me, or they didn't like it and walked away, or merged. I don't know,” I said.
“Good Lord,” Sankar said, “you are a medical man talking like this - sounds more like philosophy. May be, it requires a lot of thinking.”
“May be less thinking and more knowing, perhaps,” I said. “As far as I know now, I came first, then only the rest, including medical science. I should know when I am at peace, when troubled, what makes the one and the other, without medical science telling me about it.”
“Seems I wasted a whole life, reading that junk,” he said.
“I do not see any profit or loss - only things moving, meeting, merging and emerging, and all the time, I the Master,” I said.
“Isn’t it megalomania - sort of - this master business? he asked.
“I am comfortable with it. Does it trouble you, this, what you call megalomania?” I countered.
“No, you look anything but that, really. This finding the master, or your real self, I have been reading about it all. But I think I should find someone to tell me how to do it. How did you do it?” he asked.
I kept silent for a while. “Perhaps, right meetings happened.”
“That goes for me, too. Am I glad you became nuts and and came to me. But, look, are you not going to do your medical practice again. You know this master business is alright - but you need calories, and calories means money. It is alright for you, I suppose, with all this,” and he pointed around to the room and the house, “can’t go on being master unless there is Papa or Mamma to chuck bananas at you.”
I kept silent and looked at him.
“No offence, lad,” he said, “I am sorry if I went off the track. I forget you have been without all this for months and came home only after that advertisement. I apologize.”
“No offence at all. Thanks for making me see things more clearly,” I said.
“Anyway, just for curiosity, I ask you, are you intending to practice medicine again? I like chucking off, and go places and find answers. I am collecting information about the right places,” he said.
Right now this coffee is getting cold,” I said.
We had coffee. I left for my room leaving him in the guest room.
I helped mother in the kitchen; did errands for father, looked after his car. I was improving, they said, gradually though.
Shankar became a frequent visitor - week ends he stayed with us. Sometimes we sat up late at night, and there would be talk, laughter, and father and mother were both pleased and perplexed.
Shankar and I used to have long talks - one can talk of things that both know about; one can argue about things one can think of.
“Look, Krishna,” Shankar asked, “You are taking so much of cactyl, and yet you are so awake and alert, almost as if you didn't. I took a few and it just knocks me out. Did no good at all.”
“What do you do with it?” I asked, “and what for?”
“Oh, the creatures I see frighten me, and the others haven't seen and cannot help. I thought cactyl would get rid of them,” he said.
“So you took cactyl?” I said.
“Yes,” he said, “that's it.”
“What happened when you felt sleepy and groggy and almost got knocked out?” I asked.
“Why, I think they give me wakeall; to take one tablet of wakeall for one of cactyl,” he replied.
“So, that is ‘getting rid of’ for you! Cat to get rid of a mouse, dog to get rid of cat, lion to get rid of dog, elephant to get rid of lion, and a mouse to get rid of the elephant! Heard it somewhere. Anyway, I felt a lot better and I stopped wanting to get rid of anything except my wanting. Just look at them with a kindly eye. Someone told me … things that need each other meet each other. And when kindly looked at known they merge in the Master. At least there is not as much trouble as wanting to get rid of things, and that includes causes … this I know.” I said.
“Who is the master?” he asked.
“Why, yourself, of course,” I said, “unless you want to catch things or get rid of them! Let anyone try doing that to you and see what happens!”
“Gosh,” Sankar said, “it sounds fine... but what did you do with cactyl.”
“Do with it? I do not know what it did with itself! Mother brought them to me so kindly, and I smiled and accepted. There was such happiness in her eyes and hope. I looked at the cactyl tablets and wished them every happiness, so to say. Perhaps, they are happy and quiet inside me, or they didn't like it and walked away, or merged. I don't know,” I said.
“Good Lord,” Sankar said, “you are a medical man talking like this - sounds more like philosophy. May be, it requires a lot of thinking.”
“May be less thinking and more knowing, perhaps,” I said. “As far as I know now, I came first, then only the rest, including medical science. I should know when I am at peace, when troubled, what makes the one and the other, without medical science telling me about it.”
“Seems I wasted a whole life, reading that junk,” he said.
“I do not see any profit or loss - only things moving, meeting, merging and emerging, and all the time, I the Master,” I said.
“Isn’t it megalomania - sort of - this master business? he asked.
“I am comfortable with it. Does it trouble you, this, what you call megalomania?” I countered.
“No, you look anything but that, really. This finding the master, or your real self, I have been reading about it all. But I think I should find someone to tell me how to do it. How did you do it?” he asked.
I kept silent for a while. “Perhaps, right meetings happened.”
“That goes for me, too. Am I glad you became nuts and and came to me. But, look, are you not going to do your medical practice again. You know this master business is alright - but you need calories, and calories means money. It is alright for you, I suppose, with all this,” and he pointed around to the room and the house, “can’t go on being master unless there is Papa or Mamma to chuck bananas at you.”
I kept silent and looked at him.
“No offence, lad,” he said, “I am sorry if I went off the track. I forget you have been without all this for months and came home only after that advertisement. I apologize.”
“No offence at all. Thanks for making me see things more clearly,” I said.
“Anyway, just for curiosity, I ask you, are you intending to practice medicine again? I like chucking off, and go places and find answers. I am collecting information about the right places,” he said.
Right now this coffee is getting cold,” I said.
We had coffee. I left for my room leaving him in the guest room.
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